Phone-Free BREAKS – lisa hayim

I ditched my cell phone for two weeks in June. DITCHED as in, powered OFF, and placed in a drawer – intentionally inaccessible.

I was due for another PHONE FREE BREAK.

This wasn’t my first rodeo – I’ve been doing PHONE-FREE BREAKS regularly over the last two years, the first January 1, 2018.

My breaking point came in two waves over the same trip to Miami Beach.

Breaking Point #1 We planned a getaway for the New Year that we were looking forward to for MONTHS. When we finally arrived and landed on the beach, I laid back on the beach chair and… grabbed my cell phone.

I was finally in the place I dreamed of being – and instead of being there, I was GLUED to my phone.

I was incessantly and subconsciously compelled to pick up my cell phone and do just about anything: take pics, share, scroll, text, check email, etc.

After I reached for my phone for what was probably the hundredth time, it hit me: My addiction to my cell phone was inhibiting me from being CONTENT.

If I couldn’t find contentment while on the beach on a beautiful vacation where I literally had NOWHERE ELSE TO BE, well then, I’d have a hard time finding contentment in any area of life.

That scared me. A lot.

I know I’m not alone nor the first person to become addicted the instant information at our fingertips, the applause and “validation” that comes from social media, and stimulation (both highs AND lows!) that comes from constantly communicating with others.

As someone who prioritizes mindfulness, BEING, and contentment, I had hit a crossroads.

I had to figure out how to exist in the modern world, not go cold turkey on cell phones all together (I’m not here to say cell phones have NO role in our lives), and how to make my job (that I love!) of showing up online one that was healthy for me and still reflected who I am at my core.

It was time to chase stillness — but TBH, I didn’t…. until the final breaking point that came later that trip.

Breaking Point #2: I was at a New Year’s Eve party. It was 12:30, I was feeling good from a night spent laughing and celebrating with our friends. I snuck into the bathroom, and like usual, took the opportunity to check my e-mail. In case any one was confused here, I’m not a brain surgeon or secret agent. There’s absolutely nothing of importance going on in my inbox that needs to be addressed on New Year’s Eve. But habit, addiction, and mindless use got the best of me. I saw a NEW email from someone in my life who has history of toxic behavior. I didn’t even flinch before tapping to open it. The words were hurtful and the rest of the night was ruined. All because I opened an e-mail. It was time to do more than just “wish I didn’t open it.”

It was time to establish new rules, boundaries, and USE of my cell-phone.

But first, I had to take a big step back and break my addiction.

The day after, I turned my cell-phone off and placed it in a drawer.

It became clear, very quickly, how badly I needed this break.

I needed it for my ego, who was thriving off of likes on social media and for my nervous system- which was deplete from the constant information overload.

I saw very clearly how the world we live in advanced quickly in the name of convenience and speed, and how much of our “technological advancements” come at a different type of cost – especially on our mental health.

The way we use the cell phone leaves us exposed at all times. Always reachable and contactable and information ALWAYS within reach. While being able to get info easily has made life easier, it also creates OVERWHELM in the body. We’re constantly taking in information– and this has a toll on our wellbeing, causing our hormones to jolt and fluctuate wildly.

We weren’t designed to live like this. It wasn’t too long ago that the best way to get in touch with someone was by way of ACTUAL MAIL – you know, back when we used letters and cards and “got the mail” just one time a day. It naturally had more intent built in – we’d walk to the box, sat down to open the mail, read the words inside, and respond using pen, paper, and our full attention.

The biggest differentiation: There wasn’t the sense or expectation of urgency in a reply like we have now.

Meanwhile, present day, on the beach and while back at home, emails fill my inbox all day, every day. I respond with half (or less) focus, while doing other tasks, while thinking about the next message. Google is always within reach and finding an answer to virtually anything takes minutes, or even seconds.

I realized that taking phone-free breaks (which are usually about 7 days for me!) was the best thing I could do to constantly come home to me.

THIS ISN’T A DIGITAL DETOX

Deciding to take a break from my cell phone isn’t that intense. Sure, it takes a day or so to get the kinks out of figuring out all the ways you were reliant on the device. For me, this isn’t about taking a vacation or time “off” even. It’s just a way to simplify and move with intent. I use my computer for email all day and work with my clients and students. But this takes away my “checking for no reason” that usually accompanies me as I wait for coffee, on trips to the grocery store, or just as I walk down the street.

As soon as I began this phone-free practice I realized how BAD my addiction to the phone was. I’d get up from typing an email to use the restroom, and go to reach for my phone. But without the ability to take it with me, I found myself incredibly more ON TRACK. My focus was better, I was more intentional with my partner… everything was… better.

Confronting that dependency left me feeling like the best version of me.

I began to appreciate and look forward to the moments that previously never occurred to me as “moments”: smiling and engaging with the cashier at Trader Joe’s, happily standing in lines at the coffee shop, excitedly noticing flowers blooming and birds chirping, and intentionally making eye contact with a human that needed to be seen.

There is so much life that happens when we crank our neck back up and witness the beauty that’s all around us.

Without my phone, life is enough.

The desire for more, to be somewhere else, to distract and absorb information / news / communication / social media… it dissipates.

I now practice this a few times a year – each time I learn new things about myself.

Intrigued about going phone-free? Here’s how I do it:

Disclaimer: Important privileges I have in play are the fact that I always work from home and for myself, and I currently do not have children or. I recognize that going phone-free for a week is not in the cards for most people. While I don’t think everyone has to take the extreme measures I do, I think phone-free days, or even hours, can be incredibly helpful to restore the true you.

Logistics:

Let People Know. I notify my close friends/family/TWN team that I’ll be going phone-free.
I’m Still Reachable: I use my computer to communicate, including emails and video services. Facetime Audio is the primary way I communicate with my husband who calls while on his way home from work. I also schedule video chats (via Facetime or Zoom) with family, friends, clients, or students.
I’m Still Working. I’m working, I’m just working differently, arguably better due to my focus and time management. The only potential noticeable change for clients, students, or my team is that instead of a response within minutes, it could be half a day or a day later.

Why I Do It Regularly:

To Ground Myself: Putting my phone away allows me to stop grasping, clinging, or wanting more – a feeling that sneaks up on me. When I return to this practice I am able to get in alignment with myself. Only from this grounded state can I function as the real me.
Conscious Savoring is Important to Me. The art of pausing to experiencing the goodness/wonder/joy found around me is essential for my wellbeing and happiness. It’s very hard to do when holding a phone, so retraining myself periodically allows me to tap into that art.
To Break Habits. Humans reach for their phones constantly – going phone-free breaks that habit, and dramatically diminishes how often I reach for my phone once it’s taken out of the drawer.
To Tap into My True Self-Worth. My self-worth is not found in my social media following, or by how “popular” I am. While I know this on paper, experiencing it firsthand by leaving it all behind allows me to show back up to my role on the internet FULLY – meaning I am showing up prepared to give from the heart, vs. follow trends or do what “performs well.”
To Set an Example: Many people don’t know how to be present. But when you give someone your full attention (without texting or scrolling), they feel it. It not only helps other feels seen, but I think this type of living is contagious. I remember to bring this way of living with me after the breaks.

Questions? Let me know! I’ll update this blog as necessary with logistics and feedback from you as to what works and why you love taking PHONE-FREE BREAKS!