June 2018 — big transitions happened for me.
I turned the Big 3-0 on the 30thof the June 2018. MY GOLDEN YEAR!
I moved from NYC to DC with Evan, leaving behind my family and friends.
Evan and I had talked about a future together, but he’d yet to propose…
— and I was getting … squirmy.
Okay, let’s be real: I was a mess — for NO REASON.
Thirty is not old. Thirty is not the age where things crumble. In New York, thirty is nowhere near the age in which you’re considered too old for children.
And yet, for whatever reason, I had decided turning thirty was a deadline of sorts.
Without a proposal, my patience had dwindled and I unintentionally and subconsciously started rocking our relationship boat — over the pressure I was putting on being engaged that I could hardly acknowledge, let alone articulate to anyone (though, if we’re being real, sharing this make-believe deadline and the discomfort it was causing wasn’t something I would have enthusiastically shouted form the rooftops, had I been aware).
What’s more is that this pressure and hard deadline FOR A LIFETIME COMMITMENT was really out of character for me. I’m a big believer in everything works out as it should. Except, evidently, when I am thirty and not yet engaged.
A few months into living in DC, our lives and our relationship started to even out — and change, for the better.
With more physical space in our home (read: not a one-bedroom apartment in NYC), our relationship started to flow, and we found a rhythm and routine we never had while living in NYC together for the past three and a half years.
In our new home, in our new city, Evan and I had learned to communicate, to fight in a healthy way, to self-soothe and soothe each other, and we both learned how to apologize.
Looking back, it was clear that in June of 2018 we actually weren’t ready for marriage — at all. Sure, we’d put the “time” in and the world (… and I) may have thought it was time, but we had a lot of growing to do if we wanted to have a successful marriage.
Towards the end of 2018, however, we both felt “ready” for marriage — and it had nothing to do with my age or his, and I certainly had stopped putting pressure on us both and went back to trusting the process and big man above.
We talked about getting engaged a lot (which I think it’s a good thing to do prior to marriage) —but more importantly, we talked about the future we want to have together and felt aligned.
Evan’s job can be really stressful (he’s a doctor), and the last thing I ever want is to add stress (like I was doing in June 2018). With my emotions back to baseline, I was able to really understand that adding pressure to him and our relationship simply wasn’t worth it just to be engaged.
In February, we had a 7-day vacation planned. Evan and I have never been away for 7-days, so this was the most exciting trip on the horizon.
A few days before we left I noticed he was acting a little bit strange. I was sure to do my nails just in case, but a big part of me noticed how busy he’d been with work recently and accepted that he may not be proposing.
I knew the trip would be amazing no matter what, but I continued to dream of how it a proposal would unfold.
Would it be the first night? The second? I packed so many white outfits just in case!
The first day we were sitting at lunch when the chef came up to us to ask about our dinner. A private dinner was planned, which would have been very romantic, but the fact that the chef came over to us to talk about the menu indicated to me it was a romantic dinner, not a proposal.
Dinner was planned for 5pm, which was annoyingly early I thought. We had just gotten to the hotel a few hours earlier, and a later dinner (which was very normal for us!) would have allowed us more time at the hotel (we were only staying there for one night).
We were in a villa that required a golf cart to pick us up to go anywhere. We hopped on and I looked to see if he had a box on him. He didn’t. MEH.
When we arrived at dinner, things started to unravel. The waiter came up to us completely frazzled.
“I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE COMING DOWN SO EARLY, LET ME TELL THE CHEF TO START YOUR FOOD!”
Evan was flustered. I was very confused by Evan and the waiter’s demeanor.
It was just an early dinner, guys. Chill.
We sat in a beautiful cove where our dinner would be served, when Evan’s phone dinged. He took it out and started typing frantically.
I felt a weird energy shift — was he about to propose? I didn’t want to ruin it by asking who he was texting or asking anything at all!
He crammed his phone back in his pocket and popped the question!
Before I knew it, the words “REALLY?!” flew out of my mouth. He was asking me to marry him- with a ring!
A photographer flew out of the bushes (the recipient of the frantic texts), and I realized it was really happening:
We were engaged.
We had a lovely dinner on the beach, a custom vegan menu, and Evan told me the story of how he chose the ring, the ethical selection process, the design with his best friend Yuvi (founder of Hello Noemie), and most importantly, how he told all of our family members so that each felt important and part of the experience even though they weren’t physically there.
We spent the next six days on a private island in Turks and it was truly the most amazing seven days of my life.
Watch our proposal and engagement VLOG below!
