This one’s for my haters (but really, anyone who has ever dealt with “haters”):

Believe it or not, I didn’t get into Instagram to be an “influencer,” or have to have a “following”. These words didn’t even exist when TWN was born.

Naturally, I didn’t anticipate that connecting with hundreds of thousands of people on social media would be a core part of my business.

But here we are!

There’s a lottttaaa GOOD that comes with an audience of over 100k people on the ‘gram.

I’m able to help people! and expose the truth about disordered eating without ever leaving home (super convenient in 2020, hashtag pandemic).

I’ve met EXTRAORDINARY people who are now friends and mentors and inspire me daily. My “followers” literally have me peeing in my pants sometimes. You guys GET ME!!! 

I find beauty and love and connection in social media constantly.

BUTTTT – there’s an uglier side, too.

….and every time I open a DM, I get a jolt of cortisol in preparation for what the message could say.  

“Keyboard Warriors”, “Trolls”, “Haters” – all terms to describe online harassment or abuse by an anonymous person. 

As I am not a celebrity nor intentionally embroiling myself in conflict, I don’t attract a ton of hate.

But, when I see an injustice, when I see people hurt, when I see diets and mindsets that go AGAINST all things healthy, I SPEAK UP – and there are consequences for that. 

The harassing or abusive comments are almost always from burner accounts, or private accounts with no discernible details about who they are. Generally they’re not people who know me, but they desperately want to hurt me.

… and they do.

I strive for authenticity, meaning my public persona is just… me.

It’s probably not surprising that I’m asked how I deal with the Keyboard Warriors, Trolls, and Haters.

Simple.

I don’t.

There’s a saying that resonates with this online harassment phenomenon:

“hurt people, hurt people”

I see the Keyboard Warriors, Trolls, Haters that come after me as people who are in NEED OF THE MOST LOVE… and you know what:

IMMA GIVE IT TO THEM!!! 

Instead of fighting back, I must first admit (TO MYSELF!) that it hurts and stings me.

I don’t side step the hurt and pain, I allow myself to feel it, and then I shift into a softness that allows me to really SEE and understand that the person (previously labeled as a “hater”) too is hurting. 

My pain reminds me of their pain, and it becomes clear that NOTHING gets better (my own pain OR theirs) if I react by trying to hurt them back.

Pretending it doesn’t hurt only continues this awful game of being a human savage.

What if I show them my pain?

What if I tell them I see theirs, too?

… suddenly – we’re not so different.

The “hater” becomes human and both our anger dissipates and our bodies settle back into comfort. 

So here’s what I have to say to my Keyboard Warriors, Trolls, Haters:

I see you…
You are loved <3
It’s SAFE to come out from behind the burner account
It’s okay to show yourself
It’s okay to be human
The world needs you, too.

How do you deal with haters? Does this shift your perspective?

Feel free to send this to someone who needs it!